Bees. I hate them.

I don't know what it is about those feisty felines, but they terrify me. They are the real terrorists. Our government should spend all its money looking for Osama Bee'Ladin and Aybee al'Beebeebee. They irritate me so much. It's not like I'm allergic to them either. I just hate them.

Albert Einstein once said something like, "If all the bees were to die, then surely all life on earth would fuck off and die as well!"

I paraphrase, but you get the idea. Well he and his bees can go kiss someone else's ass. Good. I hope all the bees die and that we die also. That'll teach them a lesson.


Learn English, asshole.

And so it was that I was driving to work this morning (as is the custom where I'm from), just leaving my apartment complex and getting on the highway. It's such a beautiful day that I had my windows about half open. Apparently, completely open to those assholes of the air, bees.

As I was rounding the entrance ramp, I heard something fall against my window, and saw it land in my car. It sounded heavy. I looked, and there was a bee flying above the passenger seat, trying to look nonchalant. I said, "Ahhuhh!", and opened all of my windows. I had to watch the road to some extent, and when I looked back, the bee was gone.

I didn't say "Phew!" just yet though, because the thing that hit my window sounded much heavier than a simple, stupid, cocksucking bee. No, it sounded like a small bees' nest. I figured right away that it must have been a bees' nest, because what the fuck else would fall out of the sky with an asshat bee in it? The problem: my laptop-bag was sitting on the passenger seat such that the nest would have landed behind it, out of my view.

"So what the fuck do I do now?" I thought. I figured that if I stopped, a hundred angry bees would pop out from behind my bag. Instead, I drove as fast as possible and got on the LIE. Then a rock hit my windshield and put a small hole in it. Fucking bees ruined my windshield! It is also true that they have no insurance whatsoever, because they are bees, and could not possibly purchase insurance.

If they did sell insurance to bees, say in exchange for honey and a dance, I would say, "Fuck you, GEICO, you guys are a bunch of assholes for watching bees dance and I will not pay you anymore. I will send you a jar of honey with my remittance slip, and I will put up my own dance on YouTube and send you the link. Assholes."

So I drove for 20 minutes with a fucking bees' nest sitting next to me. I could have used the HOV lane, there were so many bees. And if a policeman pulled me over, he would instantly be attacked by swarms of bees, for which I could not be held responsible. Although more than likely the bees would have simply left, and I would have been stuck with all sorts of tickets. I probably would have been shot, because as soon as my car stopped, I would have leapt from it, waving my arms, shouting "AAAGHGHGHGHHH!! THE BEES!!"

I got to work and parked my car in a cautious fashion. This was the part that I was really not looking forward to. It's one thing to drive around with a car full of bees, but quite another to move one's laptop-bag off of the bees, thereby disturbing their precious nest.

I got halfway out of the car, summoned my full anti-bee courage, and with a mighty "HEEYA!" I pulled my bag out of the car.

Hmmm. No bees. WTF?

I then marched around the car, flung open the passenger door, and stood back, awaiting the swarm of bees that was sure to come.

No bees. This was getting to be stupid.

OK, so it turns out that there was only one damn asshole bee in my car in the beginning, and it must've flown out right away. No fucking bees in the car. Hmph. A giant wasted drive of terror for absolutely no reason.

Now I'm sitting in my asshole office feeling like there are bees crawling all over me.

Damn bees. I hate them.