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On the Subject of Susceptibility to Advertising
Wednesday, February 04, 2009 by scott

I was just sorting through some important papers when I found an as-of-yet-unseen cartoon. It takes a long, hard look at how advertising affects our psyche and how we as Americans operate in our daily life. I think you will enjoy!

Click the fancy cartoon to enlarge!



Man watches TV.

TV: Eat more bagels!

MAN: (Of bagels) I'll take another dozen!


Man watches TV.

President on TV: Terrorism causes all of our problems!

Man: You know what I'm afraid of?

Woman: Terror?

Man: Yeah.


Man watches TV.

TV: Adopt a needy animal today!

Mugger: Give me all your money!

Man: Attack, Mr. Turtles.


Man watches TV.

TV: Quit smoking today!

Man smokes cigarette.

Woman: You totally just raped me.

.    .    .

It was my plan to turn that cartoon into a fast-paced and exciting flash animation. Instead I got distracted and now don't feel like making it into a flash animation at all. Perhaps my next cartoon will be animated? Who knows?

My filing system.
(56 to 122)
  Almost there!
  Some of the stuff here does make me atleast smirk. The rest feels really strained. I can see what your trying to do, and the comedy style your trying to portray.But on a lot of the stuff here you seem to miss the mark. Good on you for trying though. Keep it up, you can only get better from here!
  Wednesday, February 04, 2009 by Ash via Australia
  Praise from Caesar
  Oh, thank all that is green and holy that Ash via Australia has deigned to bring its wisdom and grandly thought-out criticisms to my site.

For those of you that don't know: "Ash via Australia" is actually a mythical beast that criticized cave drawings of Aborigines a thousand years ago. It became so good at criticizing and the Aboriginal peoples enjoyed the criticisms so much that they wished the beast to have immortality. They wished so hard that they accidentally destroyed their lush jungle of fresh water and riches, turning it into a giant rock in the middle of their land for no reason. (The current people of Australia now call that rock "Chizzwager Bangwizzle").

Now, in these modern times, Ash via Australia roams the internets looking for things that it can criticize. It has done everything from criticizing hornet nests to horseback riding to peach-eating. And now it is on my site (!!1!!OMG!!!!) criticizing my work.

Because it is the wisest and most intelligent of all of the immortal and critical beasts of Australia, you will of course be seeing some changes here on based upon its suggestions! I am so appreciative that I wish to send this beast a holiday card on the next holiday as well as a fruit-basket, but I have no idea how to mail shit to a mythical realm, nor the postal code for Chizzwager Bangwizzle.

Anyone have any ideas?
  Thursday, February 05, 2009 by scott
  Pure and Utter Ignorance
  Scott, your ignorance towards other people and cultures far surpasses your sad sad hermet lifestyle, a feat not easily achieved I'm sure. Ash was actually trying to help you, I'm not sure why as your clearly far past the point of no return, nevertheless you chose to shut him down instead of actually listening to someone else for once in your pathetic life. I can forgive you for that I guess, you are of course....American, the most shut in ignorant community in the world. Next time you decide to begin paying out other people's cultures, try doing some research first you moron, or at least venture outside your hobbit hole of a home to interact with someone other than your keyboard. Have you ever even been to Australia, no of course not, the almighty US of A is all you need isn't it. The greatest country in the world! As if!
  Thursday, February 05, 2009 by Gareth via Australia
  Good response Scot. See, you can be witty and funny at times, as your comments towards me show. If you read through other comments Ive written you'll see that its not all negative. Constuctive criticism is something you can use to improve yourself and your works.

P.S- As I am of aboriginal decent, I actually quite like those cave drawings. :)
  Thursday, February 05, 2009 by Ash via Australia
  Two strange and utterly unpredictable beasts in the same day? And both from Australia? I would hate even trying to conceive of those odds!

Here we have the "Gareth via Australia", a specimen of the rare and incomprehensible Angry-Confused-Humorless-Hypocrite Beast! Its talent is not so useful a talent as Ash's, and even less appreciated by the people upon whom it stumbles. For you see, it has the talent of becoming angry at someone for being a bigot and then using bigotry as its very counter-argument! Quite insane, as you can see.

It is also humorless, regularly mistaking obvious fiction for true beliefs. Sarcasm and nuance are lost on it, and it suffers for this!

For example, it does not realize that whilst I was poking some obvious fun at Australia, it made heartfelt blanket comments about America and all Americans.

It shows the folly of its own ways quite clearly and yet still it will lumber on, dying beast that it is.
  Thursday, February 05, 2009 by scott
  scott nobody cares except me apparently, because I wrote this (<-- added by scott)
  Dear scott,
your 'obscure' for the sake of being obscure 'humour' at best could be described as entertaining as finding a piece of someone's gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe, or possibly as humourous as being bludgeoned over the head with a dull instrument of pain (possibly a sock containing your personality). It really is astounding to have come accross such a childish dolt as yourself so eagerly willing to advertise his moronic and demented views. If your having trouble with numbers, you may not realise that around 99.999981356% of the comments on any of your 'witty' articles or observations are actualy hate mail directed towards you. The slight remainder of that 100% figure i.e the 0.00002% are comments you've left for some reason commending yourself. I think it's safe to say that perhaps now would be a good time to find something more suitable for a person of your mental stature, i.e. bagging other peoples groceries or working at a car wash maybe. Give it a try. Regards, Andrew H.
  Thursday, February 05, 2009 by Andrew via Australia
  Wah wah wah
  @Andrew the Beast: I don't know if you are familiar with it, but we have a vehicle around here called a "wambulance". You should take one for a ride, or at least Google it when you have a chance.

But, do you not realize that the majority of those negative comments come from Australia and are dated after 1/28. Hmmm.. Who in Australia might have I pissed off in the last week to cause this sort of response?

Gee, I'm stumped.
  Thursday, February 05, 2009 by scott
  we care
  Hi scott,
Nice comeback, impressive. I'll be sure to look up this 'wambulance', it is fortunate that today i decided to go fancy dress and wear a tudor style corsite, because my sides would have surely split, and my head have fallen of had it not been for the ruffle around my neck.You're hillarious, You old whip!you!

Its funny that you mention all the comments are from Australia, it's weird prior to the said date the only comments on here were your own articles, perhaps some thanks are in order, scott? where are your manners?
I guess it's true scott, we do care about all this(not about anything you have to say, mind you) more just reading the comments sections. Whoa! i have just had what we call an intelligent thought (are you familiar with this term? maybe you can 'google' it), but what you could do is give the direction of the site a re-fresher, just a tweak. Delete all that nonsense filler stuff (this would comprise of essentially anything you've put your grass chewing, mule of a brain to)(no offense to mule's, beautiful creatures, we once had one named cornelious)and just keep the comments sections, just have a brief intro the site, something like; 'Hi, my name is scott, i'm addicted to porn (only the hardcore stuff though, minus the women, i really enjoy seeing man connect back to nature with beast) i work as assitant to the bag boy (they don't actually let me bag things, they're worried that i proprose as a too greater threat to myself and others safety) etc, etc... please leave a comment. Maybe include that photo of yourself too, a sight sure to infuriate and disgust any viewer who stumbles onto this plethora.i think we're onto something, don't roll over on me though, i expect a cut of the proffits from any of the 'Herpe-col' ointment advertisements okay.
  Thursday, February 05, 2009 by Andrew
  I was informed that you robbed a sperm bank because your a cum guzzling faggot?
Is that true?
  Friday, February 06, 2009 by Tim - Better than Shelley
  This is what I mean by coming back for the comments. Honestly, some (most) of the wittiest, funniest and intelligent things Ive seen on this site have been the comments made both from yourself, Scot, and those you insult or just plain annoy.
  Friday, February 06, 2009 by Ash via Australia
  61-67 Byron Place, Adelaide -- AA meeting Saturday @ 8 PM
  @Andrew: I've seen some drunk commenting, but that was by far the drunkingest.

It's 3:30 PM if you live near David and you're already off your face -- I left a little info in the subject of this comment for ya!

@Tim: I assume you're talking about Andrew? Because I was wondering that same thing myself. Maybe he makes his margaritas with jizz around the edge of the glass instead of rock salt.

@Ash: I'm starting to heart you. Are you single? Because I've got my wife's credit card number written down in my diary and my dwarf costume is still packed. I can be there in about 28 hours, flights and customs permitting.

Just putting that out there.
  Friday, February 06, 2009 by scott
  I have undoubtedly wasted my time by reading your site. Why are you putting people though this? please take it down. where i come from, you would have been tied to a wagon wheel, thrashed, and put to work on the salt mines.
  Friday, February 06, 2009 by brendan
  Take it down?
  @brendan: The only thing I shall be taking down is my pants.

I have heard that the inbred use strange and degrading punishments on those whom have done nothing wrong. Thank you for confirming it.
  Friday, February 06, 2009 by scott
  This must be the dumbest website I've ever had the misfortune to come across.
  Friday, February 06, 2009 by Dakk
  Anyone ever heard of "Denial of Service"?
  Friday, February 06, 2009 by Cornelius
  'as humourous as being bludgeoned over the head with a dull instrument of pain (possibly a sock containing your personality).' *Laugh* Thanks Andrew. I really enjoyed that little gem.
  Friday, February 06, 2009 by Barnseyfan67
  See DoS run.
  @Cornelius: Is Cornelius the name your mother gave to you, or was it given you by your large butch boyfriend?
  Friday, February 06, 2009 by scott
  Good to see the comments section is still in fine form. Just wanted to say that the opening "shutting down for a while" screen was pretty amusing.

Regards, David.
  Saturday, February 07, 2009 by David Thorne
  Never put salt in your eyes
  @David: Yes, I thought I'd give my detractors a brief moment of joy in their otherwise dire lives. You know, everyone deserves a bit of sunshine in their day and all that.

Fortunately the wife's fourth job is going well and the hosting fees are not a problem!
  Saturday, February 07, 2009 by scott
  Coincidence has been cancelled...
  ...yet I think that Andrew's beloved family mule left the comment re: DoS which is actually ironic if one is considering all the adjectives that can be ascribed to the "noble" mule. Yay!
  Sunday, February 08, 2009 by Kitty
  Got me with the intro!
  The intro was quite funny.
Thanks for the offer by the way, but unforetunetly with myself being over 4ft tall, having no beard and currently being in a relationship with a flirtatious wood elf (who claims to be a sex addict, but I think is really just a slut), I dont think Im really your type. But that being said, if I ever lose my arms and legs in a tragic accident, and have no one to shave my disfigured face a top my stumpy torso, then ill use my nose to type out my details for you.
  Sunday, February 08, 2009 by Ash via Australia
  Oh Scott. Nothing in the world could prepare me for the nausea experienced by the thought of you taking your pants down. Thankyou though, I believe the resultant weight loss from vomiting profusely for hours might just be the thing to finally attract Lucius to me. I do think that being put to work (any job really) might do you some good. Granted, you'd be seperated from your many many many computers, but who knows, you might just develop a personality. Its not guaranteed, but worth a shot.

And the "shutting down the website" opener - had my pulse racing. Pity is was (another) bad joke.
  Monday, February 09, 2009 by brendan
  I'm laughing.
  "See DoS run.
@Cornelius: Is Cornelius the name your mother gave to you, or was it given you by your large butch boyfriend?
Friday, February 06, 2009 by scott"

My God, Scott. Is that the best you can do?
That was pathetic.
  Monday, February 09, 2009 by Cornelius
  @Ash: Don't forget to wrap your tool. And also put a condom on your penis. That slut sounds like bad news.

@brendan: I am glad to hear of your nausea; it brightened my day. Pray tell did you actually vomit, and for how long did the nausea last?

So you're after Lucius too, eh? You'd better lube up for the battle with David over Lucius' affections.

It was a good joke if it caused you discomfort!

@Cornelius: No, it was excellent. It implied that your name is awful, that you are gay, and also that you are easily cowed by large naked men. Sorry you didn't understand all of that, but this what the comment section is for. So that I can explain how horrendous a name you have.
  Monday, February 09, 2009 by scott
  Lucius and the benefit of astroglide
  Scott, the nausea ,lasted a few hours and the vomit was continual, until my stomach was completely empty. But more importantly, seeing as you're undoubtedly a connoisseur of man on man butt sex, perhaps you can give advice to all of us lusting after Lucius. For example, how does one woo a man under four foot tall? Is it inappropriate to balance your beer on his head? You've mentioned on the site that you're above 6', how does sexual congress with a midget work for you?

I have many more questions for you Scott. Perhaps you can tear yourself away from your computers for long enough to spend some time answering them. I hope so.
  Tuesday, February 10, 2009 by Brendan
  You seem well informed
  @Brendan: Oh, dear reader! Your questions seem to indicate that you have put quite a bit of thought into this, and that you already have some basic knowledge on the subject.

Sadly, I cannot inform you further. You have made some poorly false assumptions about me. If I were you I would look to David Thorne himself for advice on lusting after and attracting Lucius. He has a new comment section that you may use for that purpose.

I was not aware that Lucius is under 4 ft. tall! Very strange.

Also very strange that you would require me to tear myself away from my computers as I require a computer in order to address your questions!
  Tuesday, February 10, 2009 by scott
  Well done scott
  You sly fox you... You saw through my faulty logic! I'm rather confused by your refusal to share your carnal knowledge of dwarves and other short men. I can't have been wrong about you- there are literally pages on this site where you parade your homosexuality. Unfortunately i will now have to ask david apropos lucius loving! Night night scott.
  Tuesday, February 10, 2009 by brendan
  More on the David Saga
  You sad, sad man...

I actually found your site from David's, and at first was amused - it appeared you two were having a friendly little argument (in much the same vein as most of the posts on his site)...

Having now read back through some of the previous blogs I'm starting to think you're absolutely crazy, and WAY messed up!!

It is interesting that at times you seem keen to respond to each post (particularly to blow it out of the water), yet at other times youseem to conveniently miss the fact that someone has posted.

End of the day, who cares whether David's stuff is made up or not. I suspect some of it is true, and much of it is obviously not, and I wouldn't have thought it took a genius to work that out (although I am impressed by your superior abilities in the art of detection)...

End of the day, I guess me posting here shows I've been sucked in too, by the old media philosophy - any publicity is good publicity...but you really are a wanker.
  Sunday, February 15, 2009 by FredBob
  Gay for robots
  Just in case you missed my other posts.

Scott Mintred is Gay for Robots.


Eat shit fuckout.
  Monday, March 16, 2009 by Mintred DickLock
  I suggest..
  I suggest changing your name, creating a new site, reading a few books on comedy, and starting form scratch as though this was just a bad dream. Just as I will do with your site.
  Thursday, July 16, 2009 by thescroll
  @FredBob: I keenly blow your post out of the water. Satisfied?

I know it was a long wait, but there you have it.
  Monday, December 21, 2009 by Scott
  Aww, you didn't tell me you had an autistic child who likes to draw cartoons with the one arm that wasn't lost in a bus accident! That's kind of cute, really. But the comic was terrible. I thought the purpose of those things were to make someone laugh- at worst- or make someone think- at best? This was just pointless. I probably could have done a better job by shitting alphabet soup onto a sheet of paper. By the way- it helps to make it legible, that way you don't have to distract yourself and your reader with a transcript to a comic. Honestly, your plight with the whole "being and artist and expressing views" thing is growing more bleak by the minute. Suicide is a viable option.
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by Grady Richards
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by Jimmy
  Some advice...
  your website is unfunny and you can't draw. give up loser
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by msjaneistrouble
  Well... it's over
  This may be a surprise to all of you, but it must be said. Due to my extensive research, and possibly the fact that people probably find me remotely attractive, I have come to the conclusion that I must be adopted. Why do I say this, you ask? Well... after my extensive soda and chips exercises, I came the realization that neither of my parents were good-looking, or witty. In fact, my father was an unfunny, morbidly obese man, and my mother was a stubborn old woman, with a huge inferiority complex.

After a battle of mental tug-of-war I came to the intelligent conclusion that I must be from a different family, considering I am both good looking, and incredibly witty. There was no possible way that I could've come from the genes of such lackadaisical beings, as my true personality could have only come from the genes of a god-like man with the humor and wit of an actual funny person. I became instantly depressed and horrified, and immediately carved the name "David" in my forehead with the edge of the nearest Mountain Dew can, whilst emptying my bowels into the closest washing machine I could find, as a makeshift Eulogy for the man I always wanted to be.

For all of you that love me, (yes, both of you) I have decided to die the way I always lived...
With forty twinkies shoved down my throat.
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by Fake Scott Mintred #447
  Come back to high school........
  Just wanted to say we all liked you Scott alot more at high school when we could 'censor' your mind-fuck ,annoying dribble by making you wear your 'Atomic wedgie' daily, rendering your flailing arms useless and unable to access a keyboard.
You've had quite a few 'new ones' torn, which I'm sure your multiple boyfriends appreciate...
Ah, miss u Scott, good times.....

And by the way-
This site best when viewed on a screen using 'anyone elses' eyes ,just not your own.
  Wednesday, September 29, 2010 by Big Mike
  Wow, you really are pathetic.
  Thursday, September 30, 2010 by

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