David Thorne Bestest Maker of Clever Things and Lines and Colours

Hello, my name is David and I would like to welcome you to my site. I arranged all of the lines myself, and chose these colors myself as well. I am quite proud of my design, and hope that we will become fast friends.

Secret Crush
Have you ever had your heart long so intensely for another person that you could not figure out a way to tell them? Have you then created a website that was initially designed to insist that they were not gay, but spent lots of time photoshopping them into gay situations?

If so, then we have much to discuss.

Please contact me because I do not have any human contact except for telling people about what colours and lines to put on web sites.

It has been another difficult day for me. My strength is weak because all I have consumed for the past fortnight is creamed corn. I read online somewhere that creamed corn will make my man-juice taste better, which is important in case today is the day that Lucius succumbs to my sexual advances.

It is lonely in my apartment, most especially when I am trying to think of a clever way in which to lay out my web site. I can only hope that this is my final revision, and I’m sure it will be because it is the best I can do. I think four boxes on the side of the main content is a good amount. Three would not allow me to sufficiently extrapolate on things I could not think of how to work into my writing. Five would make the site design too busy. So four must be the correct amount.

It will be obvious to everyone that I am a graphic designer when this is finally done. I will use a very good colour scheme, and also I will make it seem like visitors are not welcome to the site, even though they are. I will need them to buy t-shirts so that I can afford to buy Lucius presents.

Even though I have a full time job, I cannot do it very effectively as I spend all day staring at Lucius across the workspace. I will probably get fired soon, but I am not concerned as I feel that Lucius will support me once he and I are in a relationship. I know he can make so much money because he is dreamy and could always become a male model, even if the economy is poor and no one is buying new web site designs.

Once when I was a boy, I went out to the shoppes with my pet squirrel Abner. He was not really a pet in the regular sense because he died before I could get to know him. But I would carry him about in my knapsack, and tell people that the smell was due to my living in squalor. He was the best friend a little boy could ask for, as far as I know.

So when I took Abner into my favourite candy shoppe, the sticky beak behind the counter asked me why I smelt bad. I was about to tell her that I lived in squalor when a buzzard flew in through the door and took my knapsack. I ran after poor Abner, but could never catch him. I was so sad for approximately the next five years that I didn’t leave my bedroom except to go to school and get beat up by larger boys on the schoolyard. I think this is what has informed the decisions I have made throughout the rest of my life.

Perhaps even if Lucius turns me down, he will die of natural causes or something. Then, if no one pays any attention, I can take his body home with me and make it dinner and sing songs that I wrote to it. Even though he won’t be able to eat or hear what I'm singing, I’m sure his soul will hang around long enough to fall in love with me. If not, then at the very least I can make sweet, sweet love to his corpse.